that elusive that

i’ve always wanted that
and for a fleeting, wonderful moment, i felt that
thought i had that
even though i know it wasn’t for real
but it felt real at that time, in my warped, fucked up mind
i still miss that
i still want that
& it makes me sad thinking i can’t have that anymore, cos its broken
& i may never find that
may never have
that
a that that is real
i wish i have that

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