why do i keep doing this??

i dont know why im torturing & hurting myself over this, over him. fuck, its not like he knows or bothers cos he has better things to do now with… why do i do this to myself

i was fine the past couple of days then yesterday night, it started again. haih. this morning i woke up not feeling fine. have to pack stuff & move. then later drive (Tammys driving, not me) Mach to the airport. everyone’s leaving. damn, i’ll miss him too! my sexy homie 😥

i know he cant risk contacting me or maybe he hasnt even thought about it, except that day when he came out for a while. i know, tammy & he says i deserve better, i know i do. i just dont know if i’ll ever find that, if i do deserve that. i still miss the times we had. & perhaps, i wont get to see him ever again after this. maybe there’ll be a change of plans. maybe he wont contact me again after this

i dont know why im writing this load of emo crap here. i think i just LOA & EMO & cos i malas wanna find my real journal that is somewhere. i dont think anyone (i know) will be reading this. so no worries. just wanna let it out. am gonna continue packing

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