i sometimes feel that i cant totally be myself. i’m an open-minded person (at least i think i am) but living in this society makes me think that i cant do certain stuff or express certain thoughts for fear of offending or being ostracised. i have secrets that i dont share with people, even those closest to me. the only confidant i have for this is my private diary, kept safe. if ever it was read by others, then i hope i’m prepared for their questions/reaction…

little things like, walking out of the bathroom of my hostel with just my towel intimidates me. i mean, i wanna just do it but i’ll wear a tee over the towel cos we asians are not that open about showing more skin..bleh.. even showing a lil cleavage in certain places, to certain people, brings unwanted attention. ok, i know this are petty examples ;p

i long for the openness & broadening of minds in the west but i know even there, they’re sometimes quite stifled. i guess i just dont have enough confidence or courage to truly be myself. i mean, i dont pretend to be who i’m not, just there are some things that i dont share with people..isnt it frustrating? to be stifled by society’s norms? to be expected to act & think a certain way just because its in our ‘culture’? i mean, phuck that..there’s a whole lot of stuff out there we dont know about..things that only by broadening our minds & not be ignorant can we learn bout them. i dislike (hate is too strong a word) the country’s act of secluding us from the real world by censorship. this leads to ignorance & a close-minded mentality, much like a ‘katak dibawah tempurung’ (frog under a coconut shell). our world is just too small, theres so much to learn from other cultures, other faiths. maybe i want to be a journalist cos i can explore & learn & write about different & new stuff. or maybe its just the idealist in me that compels me to write this entry…

i dont even know what i’m writing bout anymore or how to continue..these thoughts just came to me when i was in the shower 😉

feeling: sleepy & thoughtful

song of the moment: black eyed peas ‘lets get retarded’ (very cool song)


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